Finding commonality through connection one conversation at a time.
👥 What To Expect At A Monthly Gathering
Strangers are paired at random, and the two will have one hour to get to know each other, and see life from someone else's perspective. The gathering is open to any adult who wishes to participate in a shared human experience. In addition to building a sense of community, the monthly gatherings aim to help soften the edges of judgement, finding common ground beyond social labels. This platonic meeting is a chance to get to know a complete stranger - if only for one hour.
"This was amazing. We had a wonderful conversation and time flew by."
"Great event! I was very happy to see the range of ages that showed up."
"This was such a lovely way to make connections...would 100% come again!"
"A great experience communicating, relating and being present. Very relaxed and non-threatening."
Next event*: Saturday December 21, 2024 from 2:15pm until 3:30pm
Location: Cook Street Village Activity Centre (380 Cook Street)
* Please be sure to read the Community Agreement before attending. Do not arrive later than 2:15pm, as late arrivals make pairings difficult to manage.
While undertaking the Fifty First Dates Project, Carrie met 31/50, Jacinthe. Sharing the desire to build community and encourage social engagement, the two women decided to create a monthly meet up for strangers to connect platonically through conversation.
While Jacinthe is a self-professed Introvert, Carrie is not. The two women have blended their individual communication styles to create a dynamic that appeals to both introverts, and extroverts.
👥 Monthly Gatherings
Photos by Céline Bélanger
Strangers are paired at random, and in keeping with the rules from the Fifty First Dates Project, the two will have one hour to get to know each other, and see life from someone else's perspective. The gathering is open to any adult who wishes to participate in a shared human experience. In addition to building a sense of community, the monthly gatherings aim to help soften the edges of judgement, finding common ground beyond social labels. This platonic meeting is a chance to get to know a complete stranger - if only for one hour.
Everyone is welcome. Please arrive promptly, as pairs will be matched quickly, allowing conversations to begin by ASAP.
🤝 Community Agreement
Why a Community Agreement?
Let's get real here for just a moment. We are all strangers, meeting strangers. Let's make sure we are all on the same page about some basic principles that will help keep this new project running smoothly, and keep everyone feeling safe and welcome.
Alright, I'll read it!
Great choice! Thank you!
These are PLATONIC meetings. Looking for a romantic connection? Try Tinder instead!
It is highly likely that you will meet a stranger who has a very different lived experience than you. That's a good thing - we grow through exploring life from someone else's point of view. Please be respectful of any differences or boundaries between pairs.
That's basically it. Be respectful, and don't hit on anyone. These two are our dealbreakers, and we will enforce these two rules as a way to keep everyone safe.
How about some Tips to help lead to smoother conversations?
Heck yeah!
Are you nervous about starting the conversation? Don't worry; we've got you covered! We will have a takeaway list of conversational prompts to help get you started.
We will ring a bell to indicate the start of the hour, and ring it again to mark the conclusion of the hour. If you're going to be strolling around, we recommend that you whip out your phone and set an hour alarm.
We are all strangers, true. But we all have something in common: we are all coming with the intention of having a conversation with a stranger. There's no need for intrusive thoughts such as, "oh boy, what if this person doesn't want to talk to me?" That's literally why they are there - to talk to YOU!
You will likely be paired with someone with very different opinions than you. That's the point! Try to come at it with an open mind, and an open heart. It's a learning experience for us all!
Awkwardness and discomfort are part of the process. It's OK to be curious when these feelings arise. After the conversation is over, sit with those emotions for a while and try to figure out WHY you felt certain ways about aspects of a conversation. Introspection is one of the greatest parts of conversing with a stranger!
We all have biases. It's a powerful gift to grow awareness about our own biases, and reflect on where they originated from.
Be mindful of respecting other's boundaries, but also about setting and enforcing your own. It's a two-way street.
It's OK to say, "I don't feel comfortable talking about this." Boundary-setting 101!
We have a "Mediator in a Box" tool kit available if you feel you need assistance de-escalating a tense conversation.
This is just one hour of your life! Have fun, relax, and enjoy meeting a stranger!
⚠️ Release
We are facilitating these gatherings to contribute to building a healthy community in which we get to know other community members regardless of their age, gender, or social background. By agreeing to participate, you understand the risks involved and you do not hold Jacinthe, Carrie, and the Meet a Stranger project responsible for any harm that might arise.
💼 Team
With a background in creative arts, Carrie is an extrovert, and the author of the 2023 creative non-fiction, “Mending Broken.” In 2024 she conducted the “Fifty First Dates Project,” allowing her to learn life lessons from fifty complete strangers. Jacinthe was stranger 31/50, and the two discovered that they shared a common desire to build community and encourage social engagement. The “Meet A Stranger Project” grew from there.
Though Jacinthe is an introvert, she believes in the power of human connection. In a world where algorithms are shaping our opinions, talking to one another has become a revolutionary act, and that’s why she jumped wholeheartedly into this project with Carrie. Meet A Stranger has rekindled her project management fire, igniting the same spark she felt working with inspiring documentary filmmakers in Montreal.
Seán is an introvert who is commonly mistaken to be an extrovert. After struggling with severe social anxiety for much of his life, he became adept at talking to strangers while selling space travel supplies and helping patrons navigate the library system. In 2018, he started a series of projects that intended to make social connection across divides more accessible. He drifted away from this work during the pandemic, until he stumbled across Meet A Stranger, which rekindled his passion for community broadening.
Q&AWhat is one thing you’ve learned from a stranger that has changed your life?Carrie
When I conducted the ‘Fifty First Dates Project’ I asked each stranger WHY they wanted to participate. One of the women who volunteered for the project gave a heartbreaking one-word answer: “lonely.” Her partner had suddenly died, and she was alone in Victoria. Finding it challenging to make new friends, she saw my ad on a community notice board, and thought she could connect with another human, if only for one hour. Her story haunted me for months, and ultimately, the idea for the Meet A Stranger Project blossomed from the conversation we shared that day - so anyone experiencing the same sense of isolation that she did, would never have to feel alone again.
Jacinthe
I moved to London in my early twenties thinking I was going to land a dream job at the BBC. In my first week, a woman offhandedly mentioned a cheap hostel around the corner that allowed long-term stay. Then, a few weeks later, I found myself low on cash, without a job or a place to stay, rolling my heavy suitcase through the London tube, searching for this mysterious hostel in Earl’s Court. That hostel became home, and the people in it became family. Some are still in my life despite the physical distance between us. Instead of advancing my career, I spent years working odd jobs and living with what I could fit in my newly purchased backpack to travel the world. Who knows where I would be today if it weren’t for that stranger’s offhand comment?
Seán
Over the years, I've had many profound encounters with strangers that often didn't involve words so much as shared experiences.
I think about the elderly Chinese woman who knocked on my door many years ago, with her shy grandson by her side, neither of whom spoke English. Through a series of pantomimes, I learned that they had gone for a walk and gotten a little lost. I managed to bring up a map of the area, she pointed out the address where they lived, and I gave them a ride home.
I also remember huddling beneath an umbrella during a downpour in London with a stranger from Brazil who spoke almost no English and happened to be standing next to me amongst dense thousands of cult Harry Potter fans at the premiere event for the final film. I had gotten separated from my traveling companion during the frenzy, and being able to share this surreal moment with another isolated human still brings warmth to my heart.
Many more such moments from across my life come to mind, but when I am feeling jaded, lonely, or cynical, they lighten my heart and remind me that we are all in this together, regardless of our disparate backgrounds. And that the line between stranger & companion is only as thick as we make it.
In 2020, Carrie started creating little hearts and leaving them around Victoria for strangers to find. Attaching a brief note, the idea behind the hearts was simple: every time the recipient saw the heart, they were to pause momentarily and think of something that they were grateful for in their lives. Though simple, the Gratitude Hearts send a powerful message that we too often forget. By each person cultivating the practice of Gratitude, we can help make this world a better place - one heart at a time!
If you'd like to purchase a Gratitude Heart, they will be available by donation at each monthly event. No donation is too small; every dollar helps keep this free community program running.
Thank you for your support!
💬 The Conversation Symbol
Seán designed this symbol in 2018 to make it easier for people to identify opportunities to socialize with strangers. When worn as a pin (or placed on a table), it tells people that you are open to being approached for a conversation.
The project is based upon the idea that new social connections can be created anywhere, so long as opportunities are identified and activated. In order to make this process easier in an offline context, a simple, recognizable symbol was created to be easily copied and used in a wide variety of situations.
You can download the original conversation symbol kit here. To learn more, you can email Seán.
❓ FAQI'm an introvert. Is this the right place for me?
We gotcha, don’t worry! "Meet A Stranger" gatherings draw people of various social comfort levels, and we try to make conversations between them as accessible as possible.
For our events, we provide conversational prompts that people can take with them if they choose to. In addition to the bell to indicate the one-hour mark, we also recommend that people set their own timer on their phones. Finally, we suggest that pairs check in with each other at the half hour mark to see if they are both content to continue the conversation.
Is this like a human library?
Our events are inspired by the human library concept, but at Meet a Stranger, both people are books.I don't do big groups. Any chance of smaller Meet A Stranger events?
We're working on it! Stay tuned, and sign up to our newsletter for updates.
Next event*: Saturday December 21, 2024 from 2:15pm until 3:30pm
Location: Cook Street Village Activity Centre (380 Cook Street)
* Please be sure to read the Community Agreement before attending. Do not arrive later than 2:15pm, as late arrivals make pairings difficult to manage.
Photos by Céline Bélanger
📝 Testimonials
This was a really enriching experience. I would highly recommend attending this event. I felt welcome, safe and part of something bigger than myself. Connecting with strangers is more important today than ever before, and this initiative makes it easy.
Meet A Stranger is an opportunity to spend an hour getting to know another person. At the same time, you could learn something about yourself.
Do it. Even if you think you cannot go and talk to strangers, try it. People have great stories and it feels great to listen to them.
I love the ambiance in the room knowing that all the people present are open to meet a stranger and are open minded enough to have a conversation for an hour about different topics rain or shine! By attending regularly we end up meeting again and crossing paths elsewhere in Victoria, so it really creates a fabulous feeling of being part of a community.
I believe that the endorphins we create while socializing in person and in a genuine and open way is excellent for our mental and physical health….especially after the pandemic and now the online experience for many. I believe that the human contacts are crucial for our wellbeing as an Individual and as a community.
Thank you very much Jacinthe and Carrie for organizing this great event every month. If this starts being combine with encouraging local businesses as well this is fantastic ! I am all in to experience more of these events as it feeds my values.
Here are some photos from past monthly events (most by Céline Bélanger). You can also see more on Instagram.
So, you want to host your own “Meet a Stranger” event within your local community? Awesome! This toolkit will provide you with an outline of how we run our events. We encourage you to modify the process to better suit your specific community; however, when operating an event under the “Meet a Stranger” banner, we ask that you adhere to our community agreement.
OK, I’ll do it! What are the rules?
Glad you asked. Our community agreement consists of two main rules:
These events are platonic. Looking for a date? Try Tinder instead.
Act with kindness and mutual respect by:
Acknowledging that we all have different lived experiences.
Acknowledging that we all have our own biases.
Setting, maintaining, and respecting boundaries. It’s OK to say, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”
Core Values:
The “Meet a Stranger” project aims to soften the edges of judgment by looking beyond the social labels that tend to divide us. By sharing a conversation, and seeing life from someone else’s perspective, it helps build the foundation of social trust, ultimately leading to an increase in collective social health.
The project is open to any adult who wishes to participate. It’s also important to note that every participant is free to leave at any point in the conversation, should they wish.
Although the program is offered for free, it’s OK to request donations from participants to help cover the costs of room rentals, snacks, and other items such as pencils, name tags, and printing.
Guiding principle: finding commonality through connection, one conversation at a time.
Sounds fantastic! So, is this really just talking with a stranger for an hour?
Yep. It sounds basic, because it is. It’s just two people sitting down for a good old-fashioned chat.
Many people struggle to ignite a conversation, because they want an invitation to engage with the stranger first. When someone walks into a “Meet a Stranger” event, they already have that permission they seek, knowing that everyone in the room is open to conversation. More specifically – a conversation with them.
We also use a symbol at events and in our promotional materials that was designed to help foster this openness between strangers. The symbol can be worn as a pin, used as a signpost, or placed on a table top to signal an opportunity to meet someone new. Printable materials are freely available through our website (see Appendix).
The main obstacle is removed, so what happens next?
Here’s where you can modify your approach to best suit your specific environment or goals. What we do for our monthly gatherings works well for us – but you do you.
As people walk through the door, we greet them, and ask them to write their names on a piece of paper, depositing it into a jar. For our large monthly events, we use two jars, in an attempt to make the pairing process go faster: two hosts, two jars, twice the speed. However, for smaller events, we would recommend only one jar.
We like to have a jar that reads, “open to chatting outside” and another jar for those who “want to stay warm and dry inside.” Any simple prompt works, as long as the two jars are clearly identified, so participants know in which jar their name is.
We then invite them to create a name tag for themselves. Near the name tags, we casually leave conversational prompts around. We cut them down into small strips of paper, so that they can subtly be taken, if required (see Appendix).
We like to do a short introduction, as the last of the participants trickle in. To be respectful of everyone’s schedules, we encourage a prompt arrival time. We try to get people paired within 15 minutes of arrival.
During the introduction, we read everyone the community agreement, and give instructions regarding pairing, timing, and feedback opportunities. Then the pairing process begins.
Pairs are selected at random by drawing two names at a time from the jar. As long as the both parties consent to the pairing, it’s a match! (If there’s an odd number, a group of three can be formed or a host can fill in as a partner.) We also recommend that people set their own timer on their phones, and that pairs check in with each other at the half-hour mark to see if they are both content to continue the conversation.
We provide drinks and snacks at our events (to avoid anyone getting too “hangry” during their conversation). Having a snack-zone can also help provide a break in the conversation, or be a gentle "subject change excuse" when needed ("I'm going to grab a snack, would you like one?").
At the conclusion of the hour, we ring a bell to indicate the conversation has come to a close.
How do you have an in-depth conversation with a stranger in a room filled with people?
The honest answer: you need space.
Creating an environment that is comfortable enough for people to lower their boundaries and relax into the conversation can be a challenge. It’s easy to fit 50 strangers into a small room; but in reality, that same small space can really only hold about five private conversations. During the warmer months, you can host in a park, where pairs can walk around, or sit at a table, park bench, or picnic blanket. An indoor setting comes with challenges, undoubtedly. We still give strangers the opportunity to walk around outside, but for those who wish to be indoors, we alternate the tables in a zipper pattern to create space.
You can even throw some picnic blankets on the floor and toss a couple of pillows on them to make them more inviting. Ultimately, any configuration that suits the space will work; however, it’s vital to create physical space between each pairs, so that both parties feel comfortable having a private conversation, in a public place.
What happens if a conversation turns ugly?
The key to diffusing a tense situation comes down to our guiding principle: find the commonality.
From the feedback that we’ve been receiving, most participants enjoy their conversation, and are able to find commonality with even the strangest of strangers. However, we’ve all experienced a conversation that went from light to fight in a matter of moments, so each month we bring a conflict resolution kit to help find a peaceful resolution for any disagreements that may arise.
So, would you recommend that we tell people to avoid having difficult conversations?
Nope. Quite the opposite; we encourage people to embrace the difficult conversations.
Not all conversations are going to be light and easy. Some are going to trigger people. We suggest that those who feel triggered by a conversation allow themselves the grace to fully explore why the conversation triggered them. We all grow as a community through self-awareness, self-reflection, curiosity, and empathy.
Alright, I’ve got the basics; however, what happens if no one shows up?
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Keep the faith, and try again the following month.
It can take a while for momentum to build. Consistency is key. If the first event has a limited turnout, we encourage you to simply try again the following month. Remember: people want to talk; they just need an invitation … and some people need a little time to accept that invitation.
Some ideas to spread the word: print flyers, encourage word of mouth, post your event online, and start an email list to keep participants in the loop for future events (see Appendix).
What happens after the one-hour chat?
Feedback is a golden opportunity to learn what participants like, and dislike.
We offer an anonymous feedback system, and encourage participants to be as brutally honest as possible. Once they’ve written their feedback on the paper that we provide, they place it inside an opaque manilla folder. No names are attached.
Do I need to let you know that I’m running an event with your toolkit?
Nope! You just take it and run with it!
That being said, do we want to hear about how your event went? Heck yeah! If you feel like letting us know, we’d love to hear about it. Feel free to contact us and let us know how it turned out!
What about the legal fine print?
You’ll have to do your own research based on your specific community.
However, note that rented locations will require you to have insurance, and we suggest you write a release statement. You can find examples of release statements online. Remember, you’re accountable for your event.
That’s it!
Thank you for stepping up to be a community builder and organizing a “Meet a Stranger” event. We wish you the best of luck, and genuinely thank you for helping to find commonality through connection, one conversation at a time.
